“I miss us, especially the
sex” outlandishly hit the screen of my phone and instantaneous knocked me off
my bed. I fumbled as my mind began locating who could have probably sent the
message. Scanning quickly, which one of the exes? But none came up simply because; I don’t
entertain exes around when relationships are over. I have been celibate for
some time now (S’il vous plait Madame,
what did you just say? Please repeat. I have been celibate for some time now)
and moreover I haven’t had any quickie to scratch a pressing itch, so who could
that be? With ginger-spiced insults and anger stringed together, I dialed the number,
all set to pounce on the sender. After
saying “hello”, I immediately recognized the voice of the respondent on the
line. Quickly, I organized my thoughts, voice and continued with the
conversation. “How are you doing today? You startled with your text message”. She
responded. “Akosua Deli.ciouz, I sincerely apologize for startling you. I am doing pretty well. I got this message exactly
from Frank and I was confused and unsure of what to say to him that’s why I
forwarded it to you.” I heaved a sigh tranquilly.
Before I continue this
narration, let me spool you back to about a week ago. It was 8:42pm at Atomic
Junction bus stop when I saw an episode gradually unfolding into realty. A stunning
5”4 lady in smart office wear was crouching in obverse of an ash coloured Toyota
Hilux 4X4 car crying her lungs out. The handsome gentleman in blue and white
checked shirt behind the steering wheel was irately roaring at the lady to leave
else he will hit her with his car. Vehemently,
the lady refused, but the gentleman bent on carrying out his threat ignited the
car and was ready to speed off when the lady, for the fear of losing her life
went to sit at the cemented pavement and continued weeping. He drove off
ferociously without looking back. “Madam, are you alright? I asked. With face
crowded with tears and pain, she couldn’t mutter a word. I bought bottled water
from nearby shop and gave it to her to cool down. Minutes later, she wiped her
tears and thanked me “What happened? Do you want to talk? As soon as she opened
her mouth, she began to wail again. I asked her name, contact number, where she
lives and boarded a taxi cab for her to go home. Later, I called to check if
she has reached her house in one piece. “I am so sorry. I was so ashamed that’s
why I could not have a conversation with. I am so fed up with Frank and his cheating
habits. So I asked, what prompted that episode at the bus station. “I caught
him with another woman and when I confronted him, he gave me a serious beating
of my life and he forcefully had sex with. And he finally told me our three
year old relationship is over. I was squatting in front of his car so that he
couldn’t leave.” Did she just rattle
these out?
Well, I forgot to tell you her
name. She is Gina. Through our conversation over the week, I got to know she
attended one of the best all–girls’ high schools and further continued at
University of Ghana where she obtained first class in Political Science and
French language. Gina presently works with one of the major financial
institutions in Ghana. Really? Though I am nosy, I didn’t want delve into her
personal life but she kept ranting from the other side of the phone. Guess she
needed someone to talk to. Frank, thirty six year old engineer met Gina when
she was in her third year at the university. Financially, he is comfortable and he has been
providing for all her needs. Occasionally, he extends some of his bounty to her
family as well. Nevertheless, Gina has been paying all the designer shoes, bags, clothes, weekly
allowance, well furnished apartment and the frequent trips abroad tortuously
with slapping, stamping, punching and kicking (with belt hooks, leg, cane and
shoes) since she started on – again, off-again relationship with Frank three
years ago.
Bluntly, I demanded “what do
you really want me to do about the text message? “You know something; my relationship
with Frank is really not so bad. He is quite often loving and lovable when he’s
not being abusive. He keeps telling me
that I will never find a man like him in my entire life. He said it is over so
I want to move. I am also tired of moving back and forth with him but I still
feel something for him. I simply don’t know how to go about it. Akosua
Deli.ciouz, kindly advise me on what to do because this time around I really
don’t want to stick with Frank again.” In my head I was questioning what Gina
really thinks of me. Gina baby, I am not a shrink or therapist but a “sista”
has been bruised for long and she has broken the silence.
In Ghana and some parts of the
world which I am very sure, people think that most women who are ensnared in
abusive relationships are mostly uneducated, live in slums or have little or no
income at all; but the truth of the matter is that, it doesn’t matter whether
you are beautiful, educated, celebrity or have all the money in the world you
can find yourself in an abusive relationship or marriage. As most of you are ready
aware, our customary setup in Ghana and other parts of the world makes women
give primacy to men in many things and decisions. With all the awareness and
the advocacy ongoing in Ghana, we women still play subservient roles to men
which (including “severely punishing”women) every so often are detrimental to our well being.
Leaving a partner is difficult,
even the abusive type; because he has drummed into your ears how useless your
life would be without him or probably crushed your self-esteem to its bottommost
layer so you don’t believe that you are
good or deserve to be treated well. Most women like Gina in abusive
relationships feel trapped, helpless and they daydream of leaving but some
parts of them love being with them, especially those who have affluence and industriously
cling to the hope that there will be a change in their behaviors.
You can get all the counsel
and the support you need but the tenacity to change depends on the person being
abused. Gina needs to recognize that, this is the way things are going to be
between them. If you are in a mental or physical abusive relationship in the
beginning, it is not likely that it will change. Consider your safety and
happiness and simply decide whether you want to stay or gather enough strength to
walk out.
What do you say? Leave your
comments, contribution and suggestions in the comment box.
May the month of November
bring us more love, peace and abundance of blessing.
Deli.ciouzly Yours
Akosua
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